I have been rummaging through my old posts to see what I have been posting for the past couple of years and I really don't think I have any words for it all. References to El African, my mother, my dad's family, my brother are all woven together and blown apart in my mind repeatedly.
In particular, there is this post about relationships and wanting to move on from my self destructive tendencies and struggling with being able to do so. I guess, I didn't realize how far I've come since then. I was reading over that post (and the others) and I was like, "Wow. Is that really me?" Realistically, I know that is was but with how my mind operates now, I just can't fathom it but - of course - have no choice since there is visual proof.
I still do struggle with my self destructive habits. Even though, nowhere near as I did before being that I'm quite content and happy with my life at the present moment. With the addition of my S.O. I usually walk around with my head in the clouds but even without her in the picture, I was quite happy.
I'm not sure if or when any of my triggers will be set off or if they are, I'm not sure how I'll react this go round. I know that this is the first time that I was okay with myself prior to getting into a relationship with someone so I'm not sure what is in store but I'm trying my best to keep those negative traits from my past in my past where they belong.
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